I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
