I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
