I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
