I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
