Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
