The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
40s are totally the cure
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize