Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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