you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
