Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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