If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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