mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
