At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's get the cat blown out
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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