haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
