someone get that fucking seahorse.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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