Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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