remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
