Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
