I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
