Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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