well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
