Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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