too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
