I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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