you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
