she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He shit in the fireplace
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
