Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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