Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
