They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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