I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
