Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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