Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
