Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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