You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
