My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
