bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
