So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
