I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
