Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
