I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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