I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
