Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
barbara walters just said penis...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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