After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
jump out the window naked night went bad
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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