how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
