Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
