You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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