I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
