5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
