Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
