I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
