Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
