Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
