What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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