i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
