So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
