Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
