You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
