I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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