Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
