i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
