he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize