so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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