how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You dont lie about slip and slides
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
