I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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