There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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