During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
