How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
