I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
