I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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