It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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