Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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