as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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