final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
