im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
