I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
