I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
