SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize