Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
