in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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