Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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