There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They took my balls.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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