the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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