I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
