I just saw a hot homeless man
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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