Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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