Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
