Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
