I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize