ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
