My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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