the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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