Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
