clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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