dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
