he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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