YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
