Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
