Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Come share oat with me in your robe
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
