the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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